meltdown monday

Just yesterday I was talking with a fellow missionary and told her that I wasn’t ready to build a theology on some observations I’ve made about possibilities in God’s kingdom. And here I am, at 5:35 in the morning, compelled to post them on the internet for anyone and everyone to see. Lord, have mercy. Reader, consider my idea and judge it for yourself, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and through the lens of Scripture.

By the time you read this, you will have probably already heard economists speculate that the USA is in for a major financial crisis. Maybe you’ve lost your job. Maybe you’ve lost what you’ve saved for retirement. Or maybe you were in the RV industry and lost your job, last month, and by now you’re deep in bills that you don’t know how you’re going to pay. Perhaps you’ll be redoing your budget in the coming weeks and will consider areas where you can slim down. Please don’t let giving to the poor be one of those areas. If it is, I can almost promise you that such a move would be disastrous. When we’re in financial trouble, our natural reaction is to grasp more and give less. Fight that tendency. In fact, make a conscious decision to do just the opposite. Why? Because Jesus said “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." And know that I’m not saying this as a missionary who’s worried about her support running out. I’m coming home soon. I won’t have a job. I’m in as much trouble as anyone. I do say it, though, as a young woman who’s been away from home long enough to conclude that the Bible is true, and often much more literal than what I’ve always assumed.

One of the things I’ve had to deal with, these last two years, is my response to the poor. Poverty, here, is much more visible than it is, at home, and I’m relatively richer, so I can’t ignore it like I could, before. As I said, earlier, my thoughts are nowhere near ready to confess, publicly (as I’m doing, now), but like Jeremiah, I feel that it’s burning in my bones, this morning. So, this may or not be theologically sound. Take it before the Lord and decide for yourselves. These last 2 years, I’ve concluded that I’m not responsible to judge who is and who is not worthy of my generosity. This conviction has come, largely, by an overall conviction about who God is and what His kingdom is like, but the most influential specific passage of scripture has been Luke 6:30-38. Here’s my (untheologically sound) interpretation, through the lens of the subject of giving to the poor. My commentary is in italics:

Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Seriously. Like, literally. Do to others as you would have them do to you. Not, do what’s right, but treat them how you’d want to be treated. If you were poor, would you like someone to give you stuff? You bet! If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. Did you catch that? Lend to people even if you know you won’t be paid back? That’s crazy! Yes, but that’s the way of Jesus. Yes, that’s the way of love. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Not just lend to poor people without expecting to get anything back, but lend to your ENEMIES without expecting repayment! Then your reward in heaven will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Did you catch that? Even GOD is kind to ungrateful and wicked men. Not only is God kind to those who aren’t “good investments” but He’s also kind to ungrateful and wicked men! One of the most annoying things, here, is giving to ungrateful people who EXPECT generosity/ handouts from the rich. But GOD is kind to UNGRATERUL men! Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. This is the key- We’re to be like our Father. We’re to become conformed to the image of Jesus. And this is what Jesus and God do. Do we think God to be naive? Do we think we have a better system? Do not judge who is worthy of your generosity and you will not be judged. Do not condemn people for the unwise choices that they’ve made to get them where they are and you will not be condemned. Forgive their ungratefulness and you will be forgiven for yours. I’m being serious. Stop assuming that all of this is figurative: Give, and it will be given to you. Seriously. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? Don’t try to discern who is worthy of your generosity, because you’ll mess up in your assessment of things. You don’t know because you still see through a glass dimly. A student is not above his teacher, If God, Himself, doesn’t withhold His generosity from the undeserving (but causes rain to fall on the righteous and unrighteous, alike), who do you think you are to do any differently? If Jesus gave generously to all without finding fault, do you really think you’re more educated or “discerning” than Him? but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher. Someday, when you get to heaven, you’ll join Him in judging the nations. But that’s because you’ll be like Him, then. Now, you still see through a glass, dimly. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Even with financial stuff. How do you know how somebody got to be where they are? How do you know you wouldn’t do something different. DO NOT JUDGE. Instead, give generously to all without finding fault, for this is what your Father does. Be perfect, therefore, as Your heavenly Father is perfect.

So there it is. I really have nothing to say except WAKE UP, AMERICA! Not Wake Up, Walmart (Sorry, D). Wake up, United States of America. We have lived in plenty, yet we have not practiced generosity. After WW2, we were a generous nation. But since then, we have become one of the developed nations with the smallest percentage of our GDP given in foreign aid. Let me ask you a question, this morning. And please know that I’ve already asked it of myself and am begging God for a second chance. What percentage of your personal budget, above your 10% tithe, did you share with the poor, last year? The first 10% doesn’t count, as that’s a debt we owe to God, not a voluntary sharing with the poor. But of the 90% that remains, how much did you give away? We can criticize our country all we want, but since being away, I have determined wholeheartedly that God HAS blessed the USA. She DID honor Him. He HAS protected and provided for her. But what have we done with those blessings? And not just the nation, at large, but what have we, His children, done with those blessings? I fear that our time to decide may be running out. It makes me think of Jane Austin’s Sense and Sensibility, when the oldest brother is given his father’s entire inheritance, and becomes convinced that his father never intended that he share it with his less fortunate half sisters. Legally, he didn’t have to. But what’s legality among brothers? How have we, the family members with wealth, cared for God’s other children who have had to go without? And if the measure of generosity that we have used will, in fact, be measured to us, what can we expect from them, in future years?

My rich brothers and sisters, let us not clutch what we have with white and trembling fingers. Instead, let us this minute repent of our selfishness, give generously even in our poverty, and humble ourselves in acknowledgment of the mercy which brings us life.

God answers prayer

OK. So have you ever heard those stories where somebody is woken up in the middle of the night to pray for somebody else, and then found out, later, that God intervened at that exact moment in time? Well, I've been a little bit down, this month. July was absolutely incredible. I celebrated my second anniversary of coming to Paraguay, entered into my last year, here, on the field, hosted an amazing group from St. Mark, with Carol coming a week earlier and my mom and sister staying a week later, spent a wonderful week at a Spiritual Life Conference with the other missionaries, enjoyed (and stressed out over) a really successful "English Night" with my students at the school, and celebrated my 28th birthday. I think that's about all. August hasn't been quite so hot, for no circumstantial reasons at all. I think July was just so exciting that I crashed like an overstimulated baby. Besides going into the month on an emotional high, I started applying for grad school and setting ministry goals for these remaining months, here, so I think I became a little overwhelmed by the changes that are coming. Instead of trusting in the Lord's love and goodness, I'd spend a few days really struggling to get my thoughts under control and not spiral into a self-centered and faithless "the world is resting on Alyssa's shoulders and she's bound to screw it all up and who knows? maybe she's not even a Christian" realm of fear. I would try to take my thoughts captive, it was just taking a lot of effort. And when I say "crashed" let me clarify before you're tempted to send down a rescue squad- most people knew nothing about my quazi-crash. It wasn't obvious to others, but totally in my head. And it wasn't constant- just maybe 2 days/ week. Nothing serious, just discouraging.

Anyway, yesterday I admitted to my mom my frustration, and I knew she'd meant it when she promised to pray for me. Then this morning I forced myself to go on a 6 mile walk/run before church. One thing I've found is that when I'm spiraling into this kind of discouragement I've got to take care of my body. The physical and spiritual are SO closely linked! As a thinker, it's so much more natural to spend an extra hour in Bible study or prayer than to get my bootie out the door for a run. But the run is exactly what our brain chemistry needs to pull out of these tailspins. If anybody reading this is in a funk, as I like to call it, take care of your body! And this advice is not coming to you from a skinny "I love sports" exercize queen! I'm the poster child for "if I can do it anybody can do it." Get moving! Also, during my run I listened to worship music and forced myself to focus on God's goodness instead of my own limitations (again, not totally natural). Good move number two. Then church was just great. You can read about it in my other blog: http://www.paraguaydailyreflections.blogspot.com/.

But after church I discovered something that made the morning even more amazing (as if it could get any better). We took communion sometime between 10:30 and 11. Probably around 10:45, we were singing, and though I can't explain it, I knew that I was redeemed and loved by God, and that was all that mattered. God loved me. It wasn't anything crazy. It wasn't a huge aha. It was just a peace. It was as if something touched my forehead and said, "Be Still. You are loved." And somehow, I knew that it was true. This afternoon, I called my mom to tell her about all of the people who came to church, this morning, and at one point she mentioned that their Sunday School class had prayed that God would encourage my heart, this morning. Her best guess is that they were praying for me around 10:45.

SMMC trip to Paraguay

Hey, all. I thought I'd direct you to my July post the St. Mark Paraguay team blog. For those of you who don't know, I had an amazingly wonderful group of people from my home church come down in July to do a VBS for the missionary kids during our Spiritual Life Conference. I would be remiss to leave it out of my personal blog!!!

http://www.teamparaguay2008.blogspot.com/

Also, I just finished and sent out a prayer letter, last week. I'm assuming that most who find my blog will do so through my letter. But if you happen to have not received it and want to, just let me know and give me your e-mail address. Thanks!